Standing up

I must be honest. This hasn’t been what I wanted it to be. When I started this, I did it with one objective in mind; to grow. Instead, I have succumbed to what people expect of me. I started writing less and worrying more of what people perceive my writings as.

It’s been a while. I was just in the corner of my room, the dark empty corner I despise of. I struggled to grip what went through my head. I just felt empty inside. Of little worth. I felt weak. Helpless.

Expectations have been growing around me, pushing me into this downward spiral of negativity. Day in day out, my focus has been shifting. “A’s”, “achievements has been circulating my mind. I admit, my intentions haven’t been as pure as I preach for it to be.

I must practice what I preach. To look beyond this silly game of comparisons and allow myself to be who I am. I must grow beyond this single minded pursuit of achievements, and reinstate my principles of development regardless of the repercussions that may tag along. I must forget about trying to be "the best", because I never wanted to be. That wasn’t my drive, that wasn’t what made me who I am today. It was the perception and faith I held in my own efforts that kept me content, to know I realized every possible measure to grow, to learn and to make progress. To be “my best” was all I needed to be. I need to remind myself of this.

I realize that regardless of who I am, I am still growing. It’s okay for me to not feel okay. It’s okay to feel empty, to seek help, to have moments where I want to walk alone yet talk to those dear to me. Regardless of where I have been and what I have done, I realize I still need the help and support of those dear to me. The people around you have partly shaped you into who you are today, thus they will shape you into who you are tomorrow. Its human for our enthusiasm to fluctuate. It is also in human nature to rise above these personal emotional struggles and seek adjustments as we move forward.

Don’t get me wrong. I appreciate everything that has come my way. Alhamdulillah. I want you to know that I am struggling, and I appreciate every moment of it. Everybody struggles. Everybody faces hardships, most of which we are oblivious to. It doesn’t take much to open up and see these hardships that others endure, and to remind yourself that everybody needs to walk this rough road together. I feel more in touch with people and things around me. It’s in our deepest struggles that we re-evaluate our approach and open the doors that we’ve kept shut for so long. As I have often been reminded, Allah does not burden a soul beyond that it can bear (Baqarah; 286)


I’m not here to lament on my problems, because such things are often  over-dramatized. I’m here to state that I am not here to showcase the glories that my pasts have held, but this journey in entirety. Regardless of what people make of it, I am here to express myself, the hardships I face and the stones I’ve stumble upon. After all, how is one suppose to comprehend the sweetness of success if he/she does not endure the bitterness of failure?